Fairly savage outbreak of hay fever judging by all that sniffing going on in the Ascot toilets

It appears that Mother Nature is having a pollen party at Ascot, at least judging by the rapid and consistent sniffing being heard in the toilets around the grounds.

We spoke to a punter who was doing his best to keep his Tarocash suit fresh for his inevitable court appearance tomorrow. He told The Times,

“I walked into the toilets and it sounded like a Clarentine ad. I reckon some people are suffering pretty badly, me included. Hold up one sec, have you got a note?”

After handing the gentleman a fresh pineapple, he retreated into the toilet cubicle and was suddenly hit hard by the symptoms of hay fever. It lasted several minutes before he emerged demanding to know “where the fillies at?”

While this pepped-up man went in search of female horses, we spoke to another hay fever sufferer who was balls-deep into a story about BTC being on a bull run and it was time. He told The Times,

“Ughh yuck, you got a drink bruz? I’ve got the classic hay fever drips. Always this time of year, actually always on this exact day ha ha, crypto is coming back in a big way, a BIG way, time to jump on board the retirement express”

Having remarkably got that sentence out in ⅓ of the time a normal person would’ve, he began charging around the area making train conductor noises while sniffing rapidly and laughing moronically.

We spoke to a doctor about these unusual hay fever symptoms that we kept encountering. He told The Times,

“We call it Ascotitis, it’s a rare but very potent case of hay fever. Normally, a sufferer presents with congestion, runny nose and red eyes. In this case, they have all those things but also appear to be coked out of their brains. Peculiar indeed”

We sadly saw what only could be described as a severe hay fever reaction. A woman in a clearly agitated state declared she wasn’t prepared to wait to use the toilet any longer and was seen popping a squat on a nearby try while doing a few keys of antihistamine to relieve her suffering.

Sadly, her attempts at treatment only made the situation worse and she was later seen saddling some dropkick in a black Billabong button-up shirt on the grass. Hay fever had got the better of them.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?