Santa has delivered some news that has shook the planet as he announces the cost of living has forced him to abandon his usual transportation and go for the cheap & nasty option of Jetstar.
Citing the excessive cost of fresh produce needed to fuel a team of reindeer on a journey to every house on the planet, Santa says he has no other option. Adding,
“You can blame Woolworths for most of my woes but also the elves have unionised and the cost of materials has quadrupled, just ask anyone in the WA building industry. Jetstar was my only recourse so god knows where the toys or I will end up”
Accordingly, children are being urged not to get their hopes up. As the season’s hottest toys are likely to end up many 1000s of kms away after a classic Jetstar baggage clusterfuck.
Even worse, experts are warning that Santa’s flights are just as likely to get cancelled last minute as any other punters. Noting that the airline doesn’t discriminate when it comes to total disdain for its customers.
We spoke to a local child who didn’t understand why his expectations were being managed. He told The Times,
“Mummy and daddy said that times were so tough that Santa had to take a ride in the bogan missile this year”
Indeed. Not only is it likely that Santa will never leave the North Pole but if he does there is an excellent chance he’ll be set upon by a typical Jetstar passenger and be too injured to finish his run.
Jetstar has assured the world that it has no plans to ruin Xmas but if it does it will be issuing everyone with a Xmas vouch for next year that they’ll do everything in their power to prevent you from redeeming.
“That’s the Jetstar way”, they reckon.
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