Eastern States formally requests WA secede after modest cricket turnout

The Eastern States’ meltdown over Perth’s test numbers continues with a formal request for the Golden State to come good on its threats to secede.

We spoke to an Eastern Stater who hasn’t been able to sleep with the vision of some empty seats at Perth Stadium burnt into his mind. He told The Times,

“Uh, why can’t this backwater sell out a 50k stadium on a work day a week out from Xmas? It makes me sick. They can have their mining money just secede and be done with it!”

During the interview, the Eastern Stater became so upset thinking about a near-empty stand directly in the intense 34-degree midday sun that he shat himself.

Another Eastern Stater said that WA should secede because he doesn’t know how to explain to his children why Western Australians didn’t want to go and spend $11 on half mid-strength beer and watch a barely competitive Pakistan side. He added,

“They are carrying on like they are in a cost of living crisis or something. That’s news to me. It’s quite disgusting what we saw, in fact, I’ve put a photo of WA on my dart board now, how dare they not bankrupt themselves for my viewing pleasure!”

By all accounts, Western Australia is taking the formal request seriously. Not only will the notion likely have the support of the people but the thought of being unshackled from the burden of begging for more GST is quite appealing.

A spokesperson for the WA Government told The Times,

“We’ll see how long it takes the Eastern States to come crawling back to us when we turn the mining money tap off. They’ll be begging us to join and we’ll just be sipping on iron-oretinis on some shit hot beaches”

The vote to secede will be held in the new year.

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