It’s been a long time coming for Hami Hill and the woo-woo community is stoked to finally gain the official recognition of being Perth’s official chakra capital.
According to leaked information gathered from the 2021 Census, Hami Hill now has the largest population claiming to be disciples of the church of Pete Evans. It also had 15% try to claim slack lining as an occupation.
For years the cruel tides of gentrification have slowly washed the organic dirt off the bare feet of South Freo hippies. Nevertheless, thanks to multiple organic shops and South Beach the suburb had narrowly held on to the title.
A suburb once known for servo-sunnied bandits ripping tyres has a different kind of prominent crystal now and the hippies are loving it.
A Hami Hill spiritologist and drum circle leader told The Times,
“We thank the Earth Mother Gaia every day for leading us to the sacred lands of Hamilton Hill. Kombucha ferments better and my kale patch has never done better away from the salt from the ocean”
Another self-styled shaman has shacked up in Hami Hill for 3 years with 20 others in a cohabitation share house where everyone pays in good vibes. She told The Times,
“Every night I light some sage up and summon our South Freo brothers & Sisters forth but the last remaining ones are happy to squat on their boujie plots and get to Manna before us each morning”
Naturally, the announcement has been met with resistance both from South Freo freeloaders and staunch Hami Hill locals who don’t identify as mung beans.
A salt of the earth Hami Hill old mate told The Times,
“I’m not into any of that funny business and honestly the stink of my neighbour’s funny smelly sticks is beginning to irritate me. I make sure to fire up me mower every time they chant”
With rental prices still skyrocketing, one must question whether Hami Hill can retain the crown or whether it will shift further away. Only time will tell.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
