At first, Colleen didn’t understand the concept of “quiet quitting” as the practice came so naturally to her. However, after the 1000th article she read on it she realised that it meant refusing to do more than what was expected of you.
Zoomers, she wrote the god damn book on this. In fact, Colleen lives so religiously by her job description that senior management is terrified to even ask her for a favour that may fall slightly outside of it.
We spoke to one of her managers who is still licking his wounds after asking Colleen if she’d help the receptionist clear some sandwiches from the boardroom table. He told The Times,
“Her head popped up like some kind of bingo-winged hen and she gave me a look that would make a chick wanna crawl back into its egg. She then proceeded to recite her job description and warn me that she won’t hesitate to get HR involved if I tried that kind of shit again”
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Now, Colleen’s carry-on has long been a sense of tension and ridicule in her office. Especially behind her back. So you can only imagine how relieved she is to find out her bare minimum work ethic is now being applauded as an enlightened new-age choice. She told The Times,
“I never thought I’d be at the forefront of contemporary work/life balance TikTok trends but I really am a pioneer. In 27 years I’ve not once come in early, stayed back late, or otherwise lent a hand I wasn’t contractually obligated to lend. It’s good to know I am a hero”
To retain and satisfy the zoomer staff, the office has asked Colleen if she’d like to give a presentation to the young staff about her work practices. Naturally, she told them that she was tempted to go to Fair Work Australia for that kind of extra-curricular request.
We understand that she is reserving her rights.
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