Coworker makes difficult decision to sound boring rather than reveal truth of what she did on the weekend

In a familiar Monday morning ritual, Larissa has found herself in the thick of some kitchenette small chat regarding what she got up to over the weekend. 

Flashes of debauchery, sleepless nights, and critical levels of wooo’ing fill her mind. She so badly wants to let the world know that she’s living la vida loca. A walking carpe diem inspirational quote dipped in body shots and powder residue on the toilet seat of life. 

Alas, she swallows her pride and maintains her carefully curated “responsible” image she’s been portraying at work for years. She told The Times,

“I can’t deal with the judgmental stares that come with a 72-hour whirlwind of things going into me and things coming out of me. So I just told them I had a quiet one. Did some gardening. Read a book. Plenty of rest”

Similarly, young bloke Sam who is probably still tipsy from an aggressive Sunday session has told his ageing work colleagues that he spent the weekend catching up on his shows. Which is true to some degree. He told The Times,

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“Yeah, what I didn’t tell them is that I was watching so much TV because I couldn’t physically get out of bed each morning. They must think I’m a total loser but it’s kinder that way”

Little do Larissa & Sam know, half their ageing coworkers have been there and done that. In fact, while Brian looks like a New Balance-wearing lawn-dad now, he’s still known to require forceful eviction from the Cas smoking area on a cheeky long weekender. A true seasoned campainger.

We spoke to Brian who claims he can see right through the youngster’s web of lies. Adding,

“Ultimately, you are only lying to yourself. I can see the faint mark of club stamps on their wrists. I can see the sleep deprivation in their eyes. I can smell the YOLO. I was once like them, after all”

Nevertheless, the macabre charade continues for another week. If only they could break free of this acceptable workplace conversation cocoon and reveal the beautiful boozaflys they are. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?