Man not cut out to be a cop invests in a dash cam instead

Local Perth man Keith attempted to join the police force as a younger man but was confronted with the realisation that he wasn’t cop material. The shame of not making the grade has severely irked the man for years.

So to live out his cop dreams, he decided to join the ever-growing legion of motorists who turn their cars into rolling smith-mobiles. It’s about as close as he’s ever going to get. He told The Times,

“See that, that’s authority. Everyone will bow down before my constant recording power. When I go for a drive I’m not just a commuter, I’m the sheriff in these parts. God, it makes me hard”

We spoke to Keith’s partner who said he instantly became a different man since acquiring the dash cam. Adding,

“The power went to his head pretty quickly. At first, he was just uploading footage of reckless driving but then he got a raging authority-stiffy and started just snitching on people doing illegal u-turns or using their phone while pumping petrol”

Keith overhears his wife and bellows from his computer room,

“It’s NOT snitching! It’s a COMMUNITY SERVICE! A CRIME is a CRIME. I am a golden GOD”

We tracked down a man shamed for using his mobile at the petrol pump and he said he felt the footage should never have been uploaded. Adding,

“Myth Busters busted this myth ages ago. I was just checking to see if I needed to transfer some cash over anyway. Then this wannabe cop toots his horn and tells him I’m his and I’ll rue to day I crossed him. Piece of shit drove the wrong way out of the petrol station but I bet he didn’t upload that”

We put that to Keith who simply responded that his driving was perfect and it would not be possible to catch him flaunting even the tiniest road rule.

Everyone who knows Keith, naturally, takes a contrary view.

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