Man struggling with the cost of living recreates the magic of Bali by getting gastro & chucking a slash in a public pool

Jaxxtyn has been depressed about not being able to afford his usual trip to Bali this month. So much so, he went out of his way to recreate the magic in his own backyard.

After hearing his mate’s kid had a nasty bout of gastro he was over quicker than you could say “morning price boss” to get himself a share of the fun.

He patiently waited for his anoos to turn into Mount Agung and when it did he sharted joyfully on the toilet of good memories. By this stage, he was surrounded by various soothing creams and empty McDonald’s bags from UberEATS. It was all feeling a lot like Bali. He told The Times,

“Mate, crying in the foetal position on the floor next to the toilet while waiting for another visit from Mr yogo dirt dessert. These are the good times. This is why I go to Kuta”

Alas, it wasn’t enough. So to sweeten the deal, Jaxxtyn headed down to the Scarborough pool today with a little esky bag of his favourite Bintangs. After discreetly polishing off 20 in the toilet he headed towards the other toilet. The big toilet. The pool.

Over the course of 3 hours, Jaxxtyn chucked over 20 slashes in the pool. About one her Bintang – his usual strike rate. A witness at the scene told The Times,

“This bogan was smashing beers in the toilet and then he was in the pool for ages. Does he take us for fools. Given his dehydrated state you could see the yellow clouds forming. What a grub”

After a magical session pissing in a pool, Jaxxtyn capped off a wonderful staycation by driving a scooter recklessly around Scabs and then pretending The Lookout was Sky Garden and getting into a blue with the seccys.

Who said you can’t have it all in Perth?

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?