Media Restricted To 2 Empty Shelves Articles A Day To Ease Pressure On Supply Chain

In a gnarley move to prevent panic-induced, unnecessary consumerism, WA news outlets have been restricted to 2 sensationalised articles per day, per outlet until pressure on the supply chain eases. 

While the disruption to the Australian supply chain has undoubtedly affected some of your weekly staples, the situation “isn’t that bad” when compared to the end-of-days photos present in certain news publications and community FB groups. 

Restricting major news outlets to just 2 alarmist, out-of-context photos per day is expected to relax the rabid WA shopper who, quite frankly, doesn’t need much of an excuse to buy 10 times the amount of dried pasta and toilet paper they need for a year. 

We tracked down a panic buyer, who told The Bell Tower Times,

“You think I want to be like this? A Karen posts a photo of bare shelves in my suburb page and next minute it’s on the front page of The West. I don’t know what comes over me, I guess in the moment of madness, I can’t imagine a world without packet Alfredo and frozen chips”

We cornered a family that had managed to skirt purchase limits by taking the whole clan down for a shop. We asked what they were going to do with 10 cauliflowers, 18 boxes of headache tablets, half the mince section and over 200 rolls of TP. They told us,

“How are we supposed to know? We saw empty shelves on news posts on Facebook. When we came down there was tons of crap on the shelves, so we figured it must be our lucky day!”

Indeed, for every post showing an empty shelf, there is another experience from a Western Australian who was able to do their shopping with a touch of compromise. 

A spokesperson for a news outlet who didn’t want to be named told us, 

“Frankly, we find it disgusting. The idea of people relaxing, compromising and sailing through this supply chain mess together, in harmony *chunders intensely*, sorry it is just foul *goes full exorcist at the thought*”

Western Australian consumers are being urged to “chill”, buy only what they need and perhaps take the temporary shortages as a chance to expand their dinner repertoire. 

Frankly, Sue, your family has had an absolute gutful of your apricot chicken with overcooked rice and a side of bland, steamed packet vegetables. 

Heck, variety is the spice of life and working together through a problem can only unite us. Even if that horrifies certain outlets. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?