The AFL hit a major hurdle in its negotiations to get Tasmania its own footy team. While the initial capital is there, the AFL questions the financial viability of the team due to the fact a single family pass will cover everyone in the state.
A spokesperson for the AFL told The Times that they didn’t want to let genetic “undiversity” get in the way of a such a landmark deal. Adding,
“We are considering a few options. We all know that Tassie is one big happy family, if you know what I mean. So perhaps we could offer the family pass that at a cost of say $50M per year which is only 10 bucks per kissin’ cousin anyway”
Unsurprisingly, Tasmanians have called the backpedalling “offensive, mainland bullshit” and say that the unbelievably shallow gene pool was one of the great perks of living in Tassie and they should be able to reap the benefits.
We spoke to a Hobart man who recently tied the knot with his brother’s sister. He told The Times,
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“So what? We can all use the same family pass. That’s cos we’re family and that used to mean something in this country. They’ll make twice the revenue back on sales of Cascade. No one else drinks that shit but we can’t stop”
AFL big dawg Gil has acknowledged that the AFL would approach the family pass issue with the sensitivity it was known for. A source close to Gil told The Times,
“AFL is all about inclusivity. We want to put the ‘IN’ back into ‘Inbreeding’. We will work closely with Tasmania stakeholders and their 500,000-strong family to get through this. Under one banner, under one strand of DNA”
Good luck Tasmania, it’d nice for you to join the AFL family to mix things up a bit.
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Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
