Optometrists all over WA are dreaming of all the future money they are going to make as an entire state fought their commonsense to have a cheeky glance or ten at the full solar eclipse.
We spoke to a regional optometrist who had an absolute rager in his pants. He told The Times,
“Yew, as the masses say. Just looking outside my window I saw at least 10 people trying to sneak a glimpse at the sun. Oh boy, retinas all over the state are getting utterly scorched. What a day to be alive”
Similarly, an optometrist in Perth was running around her office doing the Benny C arm windmill as she looked at all the dogshit eclipse glasses being sold on FB marketplace and the like. She told The Times,
“Do you smell that? That’s retina damage. I reckon half of WA is going to need glasses a decade or so sooner than they would’ve needed. People staring at the sun with those cheap, knock-off eclipse glasses will regret it, that’s for sure”
However, not everyone in the profession was fixated on how much money they’d make. Some said that people staring at the sun for a fairly lacklustre astronomical event was proof that the human race had run its course.
“Time to wrap it up, I reckon”, he said while shaking his head in general disbelief. “It’s 2023 and people still don’t know that direct eye contact with the sun can be catastrophic on your eyes? I mean really, is this where we are at? How many fkn years of evolution?”
He raises a good point. Nevertheless, everyone in Perth with weird-feeling eyeballs can rejoice in the fact that your local optometrist is there to help.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?