A Mandurah dog owner has figured out a most elegant solution to her dog control needs. Rather than leash the alpha hound, she has opted to destroy the tranquillity of her local park with the kind of screeching that could make the Event Horizon turn around and rack off.
Her daily episodes of vocal cord abuse have become a much-loved staple in her community and many other dog owners simply couldn’t imagine having their dogs charged at without the chorus of the outer suburban harpee bellowing whimsically in the air.
We spoke to a local Shi Tzu owner who has taken to wearing earplugs because she’s worried she might fall in love with the hag’s vocal emissions too deeply. She told The Times,
“It’s great she’s cracked the code of responsible dog ownership. Here I leashing my dog like a sucker when I could just be going off my ‘nana every 5 seconds unsuccessfully trying to recall my dog from going another”
Another dog owner said that he wasn’t looking for a relaxing experience when walking his dog anyway, adding,
“It’s not all quiet on the western front ha ha. Yeah, her screeching really gives the whole experience a tense, uncomfortable aurora and that’s what I look for when spending quality time with my beloved dog. I always say that she should be sponsored by Soothers ha ha”
We spoke to the woman of the hour who was clearly liberated at having freed herself from the shackles of leads or dogshit bags. Adding,
“MY DOG. MY CHOICE. PISS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII BUSTTTTTTTAHHHHHHHHHH GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTT BAAAAAACKKKKKKKK OIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII BUSSSSSSSSSSSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH. FUCKEEEENNN GET OFFFFFFFFF HIM GETTTT OFFFF HIMM BUSTAHHHHHHHH”
My dear lord. It’s like hearing Maria Callas for the first time at Carnegie Hall. How haunting. How beautiful. How efficient.
It’s often said but rarely applies so perfectly – this woman is living in 3030. A true pioneer of dog control methodology. Simply sublime technique.
RELATED READING: Entitled Dog Owners To Be Leashed, Muzzled Under Radical Plan To Prevent Attacks
Check out more breaking WA headlines HERE.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
