Perth man forced to deploy one leg in, one leg out doona strategy earlier than expected

The warmth of the last few days has taken Perth man, Tim, by surprise. Especially when it comes to the realm of snoozing.

Typically, Tim can enjoy a normal under-the-doona sleep until at least mid-November. Alas, a couple of October scorchers have meant that Tim has had to change tact. He told The Times,

“I was trying to sleep under the doona because we all know it’s better but I kept getting woken up by the heat of my own legs. My balls were a sweaty mess so I deployed a strategic leg outside the doona. I shouldn’t have had to, it’s just not right mate”

To make matters worse, Tim’s partner has even pushed for air-con to be pumping throughout the night. Another milestone that Tim just wasn’t ready for. He added,

“Once you turn that air conditioner on, it ain’t switching off for 3 months. You know this. Aircon makes us weak. I normally succumb to her allures mid-December. Mid-October just feels wrong. I shouldn’t have to do this”

Not only has Tim’s comfortable sleep been disturbed but he now worries about what is in store for summer. Is it going to be an oppressive stinkfest?

Or will it be another Beta-summer like last year where we didn’t even crack 40 degeroonies? He continued,

“I just want the perfect summer. A glorious mix of mid-30s days and a couple of stinkers to let you know you’re alive. Just none of that week-long heatwave bullshit. Is that too much to ask? I’m scared man”

We reached out to the State’s Pilbara community for comment but their comments were highly distressing and involved far too liberal usage of the Pbomb.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?