A Perth date was going exceedingly well yesterday when the budding couple decided to meet up in an inner city park for a picnic. They continued to get to know each other and got a little carried away amongst the idyllic backdrop and warm sun.
After a few glasses of champagne, Tara leaned in and gave Bailey a little kiss. From there, they lost themselves in sweet nothings and soft embrace. That’s until Mother Nature had other ideas.
It seems a nearby ornamental pear was feeling particularly pungent and aided by the powerful Perth breeze unleashed the stank of its people right toward the couple. We spoke to Bailey who claims he was stitched up by the tree,
“Fkn jizz trees man, the entire picnic stunk of baby gravy. We stopped kissing me and she looked at me like I’d just creamed my jeans. I hadn’t! I didn’t want to launch into a vigorous defence because I think that’d just make me look guilty”
Well, Bailey, it appears your silence didn’t do wonders for your case either. We spoke to Tara who wrapped the canoodling up shortly after the incident and expressed a sudden interest in going home. She told The Times,
“It was so sweet. We were sharing this really beautiful first moment and then I was dry heaving to the smell of fresh, pungent glizzy juice. I said I needed to get home and about 100m from my house he turned to me in the car and said it was an ornamental pair that produced the smell and that he was innocent. Right buddy”
Sadly for Bailey, he was in fact innocent. We spoke to an ornamental pear expert who said that the tree’s unique ammonia scent is particularly juicy this time of year. Adding that many people falsely assumed someone has made a mess of their pants. Adding,
“That’s cumtrees baby, they’ll do that. If you’re ever caught in the firing line of a particularly stanky tree we recommend that you instantly pull up some facts on your phone and show your partner. No one wants pre-jacking on their list of flaws. Especially in a public setting. We feel for the kid but he handled the situation poorly”
There you have it. The ornamental pear claims another victim.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
