Perth has a long history of promising the elusive cable car. Traditionally, the idea was that a cable car from Kings Park to the CBD would fix all of Perth’s tourism woes.
We’d make headlines as the City to be and we’d be fending off the world’s rich & famous as they clawed at each other to get a chance to knock one out of Perth’s beautiful vistas.
Well that dream has been substantially emboldened with a new plan to pedestrianise our CBD by ditching cars and replacing them with the world’s most extensive cable car network.
A source close to the project told The Times,
“Hundreds of them. Far-ken shitloads of cable cars. Gliding down every street in the CBD. It’s an all you can cable car buffet and Perth is hungry for it”
Under the plan, no visitor will have to wait more than a few minutes for the next cable car. Fully alleviating the chasos of peak hour traffic in the modest CBD.
Of course, the naysayers are out in force, saying that while romantic, cable cars are expensive novelties and most people will, as reported before, will only be using them to jork one out in.
Well, it’s a valid concern and Sydney already has the title of the City of Wankers. So how will we combat this? According to our source,
“Thinking we put cameras in and broadcast random visitors or businessmen enjoying the cable cars on Yagan Square tower thingo. That way, people should behave and a UV light shining in one won’t blind the entire state of WA”
The future is here.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?