In an effort to sway new-age mung beans living in Margs, Pfizer “Essential Oils – COVID” that can be dabbed on the palm, diffused or put into food. Running with the slogan, “Why Refuse It, When You Can Diffuse It?”
Executives got the idea when they heard reports that faux-spiritual science-dodgers were basically freebasing the toxic chemicals in the hope it would cure ailments ranging from incense burns to a crippling fear of reality.
Pfizer has already received promising results from focus groups. Harmony, (real name Vanessa or someshit), said,
“my yoga teacher still tells me not to trust vaccines but this is a brilliant step forward, big pharma finally understanding how REAL medicine should be delivered, I’m considering microdosing the vaccine on top of my current shroom microdose to allow the earth gods of Fungi to protect me from mind control”.
Not all results were promising however. Another Margs tradie, Chris, who’s breakfast consist of a cigarette, large Red Bull and sausage roll. He told The Bell Tower Times, “don’t care how it’s presented I will never put poison into my body”.
It seems a bit rich coming from a man who has made multiple women sick after giving them a little meat-injection of his own. Nevertheless, his body is a temple and leaving portable toilets looking like a Yogo Dirt Dessert bomb went off is testament to that.
Asked if Pfizer were considering rolling out the essential oils vaccine in South Fremantle, executives stated,
“We considered it but that lot is too far gone. Analysing crystal purchasing data, we have identified pockets of Hamilton Hill that may be salvageable however we must act fast. We could be one drum circle away from failure here”.
Pete Evans has been contacted for comment.
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