Whether you’re a young family, a hippie that’s been priced out of South Freo or a trolley pole wielding criminal, Hami Hill has something for everybody. An exciting southern oasis that will never have you off your toes. 

Getting around – if Hami Hill was a car it’d be an AU station wagon. Not only do these majestic shitboxes have plenty of room for verge treats but they offer very little incentive to the average thief. Alternatively, a PeeWee motorcycle will give you the required zippiness to see all that the suburb has to offer and, of course, get away quickly. 

Top experiences in Hami Hill

Verge collection – the best part about scabbing in Hami Hill is you don’t even need to wait until the two designated days per year. There is always a rich collection of discarded shit on the verge. Mostly because some residents have been hardcore hoarding since the 70s. 

So get a tetanus shot and live your best scab-life – and remember in Hami Hill, the “verge” stretches all the way into the backyard of a dwelling. Just be careful not to become a walking tin of Chum for the resident attack-hound.

Develop a food allergy or love of healing crystals – a neighbourhood doesn’t simply border on South Freo without being infected with a chronic case of new-ageitis. Younger hippies love Hami Hill and there’s no shortage of sea shepherd nests to entice your inner woo-woo. 

Amaze your friends with your new found inability to digest white bread after just one day in sunny Hami Hill. Alternatively, reinvigorate your love-chakra with a yonic love crystal. Anything goes in Hami Hill. 

Be a gentrifying-cunt – perhaps you’re just a young professional couple looking to buy your first house. Hami Hill offers you that chance – bargain prices for the “freo lifestyle”. However, being part of the great gentrification of Hami Hill comes with great responsibilities. 

Get up in your local pollie’s arses about scaling back the public housing. Report anything that triggers your very sheltered definition of “suspicious”. Be the change you expect the world to make for you. 

Have a stare off with an old Italian gentleman – Hami Hill and neighbouring Spearwood have a very generous peppering of older italian couples that have made parts a true terracotta paradise. 

It would be unspeakably rude not to enjoy a stare off with them as they water their driveways, tend to their tomatoes or drink grappa that would easily be used to strip grease off old industrial equipment. 

Fashion trends – HiVis & trackies, an old FUBU shirt that was waiting for you after your decade long stay at Hotel Hakea, a floral headband thingo… Fark, just go apeshit with it. There are no rules. You literally cannot wear anything in Hami HIll to make you look out of place. 

Local delicacies – if you’re not smashing middies with the old mates at the Tav and then facefucking a classic tropicana pack then you’re aren’t living the Hami Hill dream. Wash it all down with some lead at the local gun shop too. Really get a feel for the place. 

Testimonial – “We had a lot of fun, Red Roota really hits the spot after 12 middies and we even found a new bike for our youngest while verge collecting in someone’s back yard. Bit weird they had it chained up but that’s Hami Hill for ya” – Troy

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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