5 Types Of Pub Quiz Participants That Have No Place In Civilised Society

The confident idiot –  This potato-brained-fuck loves to insist on knowing the answer to almost every question. Only problem is they hit fewer targets than a Qantas customer satisfaction survey. 

Nevertheless, they will plead and demand their answer is scribed officially. Watch them backpedal and make excuses when all of their dumbshit answers are debunked at the end of the round. 

Person taking it way too seriously – striking the right balance of competitiveness in social pursuits is a skill not everyone masters from a young age. Some seem to think they are a stiffied-up Kiwi and they are playing for a delicious sheep station. 

Watch in horror as they berate team members’ gaps in knowledge. Shrivel into your chair when they go toe to toe with the quizmaster over a technicality. Ask yourself why you even invited them when they flip a chair and storm out when you don’t go home with the bottle of wine on the day. 

The goldfish – much like the person taking it too seriously, the person who seems to forget they were invited to a quiz night can also cause tension amongst the quiz team. After all, you could have a dedicated mind in that seat that they don’t seem to be sitting at ever. 

Marvel at this participant wanders off to go and socialise & generally be as present as a Rockingham baby daddy on Father’s Day. One could call them useless but they are good for retrieving more froffs at least. 

The Lance Armstrong – you have to ask questions about a person so willing to cheat at things so inconsequential to life. If they are smart they’ll at least hook-up the blood-doping-needle of cheatery in the toilet and return with answers. 

At worse, they’ll do it “covertly” at the table and risk the entire team copping the societal shame of being labelled quiz cheats. Like any good mind-peloton, ol’ Lance or Lancette will bring the entire team into disrepute. 

The pisswreck – a classic “your mate”, a ringer called in at the last minute that has decided to rock up to a pub quiz 6 cold ones deep. Now, no one wants to be the pint police but matching the tipsy mood of any occasion is an important social skill. 

The pisswreck can easily be guilty of any of the sins above. However, they truly shine at boisterously yelling out the correct answer (that they certainly didn’t come up with) so every surrounding group can hear it. They’ll be combative, dumb and cheaty but if you can’t handle them at their pisswreck worst then you don’t deserve them at their piss-covered shorts best. Whatever that might be.

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