6 New Year’s Resolutions For Western Australians 

Learn how to reverse park seeing as you insist on doing so – we get it. Your fourby has special needs and you’ve become a reverse parker at all costs. All good but perhaps learning the nuances of the skill wouldn’t hurt? 

Instead of looking like a shroomed out Pinocchio trying to peg a block of swiss cheese while whispering how lively Subi is, just head down to a secluded car park and practice. For the sake of us all.

Start respecting your duty to give the courtesy wave – not being a dick is a fundamental duty of every Western Australian. A duty that is so sorely neglected. Especially when it comes to sharing the road. 

You can really judge a society by how many members give each other a courtesy wave. Even if you drive a LandCruiser. Just do it. You’ll let fellow motorists know you won’t be chucking a u-ey and following them to the next roadhouse to swing a tyre iron like a medieval knight with an ice problem. More on this scourge HERE.

Stop referring to a job on a single mine site as “on the mines” – if you work on multiple mine sites, sure, tell ‘em you work on the “moines”. For the rest of you, please come to peace with the fact you work on a single mine site. 

Unnecessary pluralisation makes us no better than the animals who slash straight into the donga toilet water at 2am while everyone else is trying to sleep. Lift.

Maintain your speed in the Graham Farmer Tunnel – for many this will require some radical reprogramming. You’ll have to unlearn everything you’ve learned as a Western Australian. However it’s a worthy pursuit. 

Enter at 80 and keep on going man. Nothing is stopping you except your own weird belief that a well engineered section of road is somehow less safe than the lawless society existing outside the tunnel. Relax, deep breaths and move it. More on the tunnel HERE.

Visit the other side of the river – this is pretty radical but imagine a united Perth. Globalisation in your own backyard! You know what they say, travel broadens the mind and just think of all the cultural learnings you can bring back to your people.

Now no one is suggesting you switch sides. That can be a traumatic experience for a Perth born citizen. Just dip your toes in. After all, what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger right? Well, maybe, but I wouldn’t go gunning for a case of penicillin resistant Spearwood sex rash. Look but don’t touch. More on this HERE.

Stop beating down the roller shutters at supermarkets on a Sunday – always remember the rest of Australia is always looking for ways to depict us as cave dwelling barbarians that have nothing better to do than arrive at Coles 30 mins early on a Sunday and form a mouthbreathing mob at the roller shutters.

Sound familiar? Yeah just knock it off. Get it through your head that the gates ain’t opening a minute earlier and live your life man.

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