In breaking news, the deal-maker-extraordinaire has announced that the US and Iran are on the brink of sealing a peace deal to end the conflict.
It would be reassuring news if the Oompaloompa-esque negotiator didn’t seem to announce the end of the conflict every other week.
In fact, analysts have now determined that The Donald is following the Rugs-a-Million tried & tested method of making a buck. An expert told The Times,
“When the war is constantly ‘closing’ certain people in the know are able to ride the hefty market swings and become personally wealthy, just look at what happens every time he announces something of this nature, be it peace deal, ceasefire or whatever else he can drum up”
How cynical! Other experts are at a loss as to how anyone can look at Donald Trump and say he’s a self-serving individual looking to enrich his friends & family.
We spoke to a man who had just finished a gruelling session with a second-hand couch (or sofa, as the seppos like to say), he gave his name as VJ Dance,
“Our President has negotiated the kind of deal never seen before! This is peace like you’ve never seen it before, he will absolutely win a Nobel Peace Prize”
Some may even consider Trump’s constant announcements to be in the vein of the boy who cried wolf. However, Trump has said,
“”I don’t know the story. They keep talking about the boy, the wolf, nobody’s ever explained it to me properly. Maybe it’s a bad story, maybe it’s a fake story, who knows? But if there really is a boy and there really is a wolf, I’d have them in a room together in 15 minutes. They’d be shaking hands, it’d be beautiful. The boy would stop yelling, the wolf would stop biting, everyone would be happy. Nobody makes deals like I make deals. Frankly, if they’d called me earlier, there wouldn’t even be a story”
Much to consider.
Being unable to rely on insider trading, The Times would appreciate any beer money you could swing our way to keep the lights on