The City of Belmont is concerned that Rivervale thinks it’s better than the rest of the suburbs comprising the Local Government Area due in no small part to Rivervale having its own unique, fancy postcode.
In the City of Belmont, Ascot, Redcliffe and the big B belong to the 6104 crew. Cloverdale, Kewdale & Perf Airport rock 6105, and Rivervale prances around as the only elite member of 6103.
For years, The City of Belmont has watched Rivervale transform into an increasingly gentrified, arrogant fuckwit and believes that unless action is taken soon to take it down a peg they may never reconcile their differences.
We spoke to a spokesperson for Kewdale who said it missed the days when it was proud to stand side by side with a “humble” Rivervale that “very much accepted it was part of The City of Belmont”. Adding,
“I considered Rivervale a brother to me. I was the new kid on the block and Rivervale took me under its wing. We shared crime rates, low housing prices, poorly maintained verges, the works. Now it thinks it’s all fancy because people priced out of Lathlain want a slice. You’re just their option B, Rivervale, you’ll always be City of Belmont’s option A”
Belmont shared these sentiments. Having known Rivervale since it was Barndon Hill in the late 1800s. Belmont told The Times,
“I was happy when Rivervale got its fancy new name. It was a brother suburb to me too. Sadly, it was probably the beginning of the end for our relationship. Maybe if Rivervale was forced to share a postcode with the rest of us it’d get its bloody head screwed on and stop turning its nose up at us”
Rivervale denies the allegations that it thinks it’s better than the rest. Smugly looking at its river views and skyrocketing median house price and stating, “I know I’m better”. Adding,
“Every FIFO and his dog wants a slice of me. I’m pretty much Lathlain but with river views. I’d go as far as to say that people wouldn’t even associate Rivervale with the City of Belmont. I’ve got it going on”
It would appear that The City of Belmont has a point on this one. Calm ya farm Rivervale you massive wanker.
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