BREAKING: The USA has denied any involvement in last night’s drone strike on the Swan River

Top US Brass has issued a statement today denying any involvement after hundreds of Perth residents witnessed a drone strike on the Swan River last night during the City of Lights “spectacular”. 

At some time after 8 pm, up to 50 drones launched an offensive against a bunch of jelly & puffer fish when they went into kamikaze mode. Chilling footage of the strike was captured by many in attendance. We spoke to Sonia who captured the moments the drones turned on their host,

“Was a classic American move. Like you see on the Wikileaks. We weren’t sure why the drones turned on us maybe they were as bored as we were?”

To address rumours of an attack on Australian soil a top US General released the following statement to The Times,

“America is committed to Australia and still considers it a valuable ally. Especially afrer you “dogged” France on those submarines. That was appreciated by the USA more than you could ever know. We understand we lead the way in shitcunt drone striking but believe us when we say, it wasn’t us”

WA has officially accepted USA’s version of events but agree that the incident had “big US energy”. A spokesperson for the WA Government has told The Times,

“We take any drone strike against the mighty Swan seriously. We will give this matter the respect it deserves but with USA denying it we are a bit lost for suspects. Are we looking at Clive Palmer? Yes, yes we are”

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?