In an extraordinary clash of worlds, the School of Hard Knocks has agreed to step in and teach WA children “some actual farken lessons” to help ease teacher shortages.
Alumni from the SOHN who have also attained a suitable qualification from the University of Life will commence substitute teaching roles at Perth public schools immediately.
We spoke to Tezza who said it was his “civic duty” to make sure the next generation of kids got the same life lessons he did. Adding,
“They stuck me in some maths class but I told em to shut their useless books and prepare to learn some real shit. First lesson was on how not to be a dog”
A student who attended Tezza’s class said his eyes were now open, adding,
“He was a great teacher. He mixed theory with practical application by accusing a kid texting of dogging him. He showed us how to deal with a dog and why it’s important not to be one”
Similarly, Ca$handra stood in for a human bio class and made her first lesson about fake bitches talking shit on Facebook. She told The Times,
“I told em to go throw their text books in the bin cos the real lessons happen on the street… or Facebook every day. I even given em a live examples of how to ask for repayment of a loan for hair extensions from some lying sluza”
Not everyone is thrilled with the partnership, however. A parent of a child complained that she caught her son trying to run an extension cord from their shed to a neighbour’s power outlet. She told The Times,
“My SON told me that only a dumbcarnt uses their own juice to grow buds. Then asked me if there were any male mullies around because he didn’t want his girls switching sides”
Nevertheless, WA is clearly doing everything it can to try and ease the current situation. Even offering new teachers the opportunity to tell a parent to STFU without consequence once per day.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?