ScoMo has a simple 3 point plan to win back the heart of a state that largely views him as an anti-WA, Palmer-backing dacks cacker.
First of all, ScoMo is promising every Western Australian their own iron ore deposit and the contact of a steel mill dude in Beijing. He told a WA press pack,
“Every Western Australian deserves the right to become an iron ore millionaire. An LNP Government will put that iron ore in the ground for them. It will facilitate trade agreements. It will set up dongas next your granny flat”
Secondly, ScoMo has promised every Western Australian their own individual share of the GST, telling the press,
“Obviously, GST share is a big deal to Western Aussies, they are always asking for more. Now I’m not some Dickens villain, I will give you more, straight to your bank accounts just don’t go creating more inflation please”
Finally, and perhaps ScoMo’s biggest play to win over the hearts of WA – he vows to reopen The Great Escape in Hillarys and restore it to its former glory. Adding,
“Everyone used to love going down south to Greater Western Hillarys to ride some tubes and enjoy some hot chippies with salt and apple cider vinegar. Tastes great in my curries or in the chlorine”
Cynical analysts have called ScoMo’s wild promises to the Western Australian people “pure batshittery” and confirmed they want some of “what he’s on”.
A leading political analyst told The Times,
“Clearly, the Morrison Government is making up for 3 years of neglect with absurd, populist policies designed to win over West Aussies for a last ditch attempt at winning this election. I don’t think Western Australians are that gullible”
His promises have also drawn the ire of Twiggy who says while he loves WA he’ll respond to any backyard entrepreneur by “crushing them like a bug”, a sentiment echoed by Gina.
ScoMo was planning to promise WA that he’ll bring back Daylight Saving but was advised at the last minute to leave that out. He wants a popularity boost not a full blown biffo on his hands.
On the other side of the fence, Albo has agreed to implement a Clive Palmer tax should he get elected. A move that he believes will gel well with Western Australians.
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