In a last-ditch appeal to young WA punters, ScoMo has extended his “Super for Housing” scheme to include the purchase of a jet ski to all Western Australians should his party retain power.
A spokesperson for the LNP told The Times,
“Obviously, homeownership is a pretty big deal to Australians but jet ski ownership appears to be an even bigger deal to the good people of Western Australia. We can’t ignore them when dishing out wild election promises”
Under the scheme, people residing in Western Australia will be able to draw up to 40% of their super to buy the jet ski of their dreams.
Critics of the super for jetski scheme claim 40% is simply too much and could be robbing a generation of their means to survive their later years. However the LNP spokesperson hit back hard,
“Nonsense, ask any cashed-up bogan talking a big game in the wet mess up on the mines, a jet ski is an investment. Certainly not a depreciating asset like some pencil-pushing nerds would have you believe. Everyone knows a bloke who flipped his jetty for a 50% profit on Gumtree”
Furthermore, the LNP believes that you shouldn’t have to settle for a bottom-of-the-range jet ski if you have money saved to afford a better one. The spokesperson continued,
“If a West Aussie wants to blow $25k on a Yamaha FX SVHO then that is their prerogative and we won’t stand in the way. Plus they’ll need a trailer, rego, insurance, and a licence. These things add up so 40% is fair”
We spoke to Jaylon who had been waiting to get into the jet ski market for months. He told The Times,
“Why should my money sit in some super-jerks account making fark all interest when I can spend it on being a sickcarnt and then have a real asset at the end to show for it? You reckon anyone ever got their dick wet from showing off a super account bra?”
Naturally, Superannuation bosses are furious at the move. Saying their funds are likely to take a huge hit as soon as such a reckless policy is announced.
Similarly, the WA Water Police say their eyes are already twitching at the thought of several thousand more of these bozos on our waterways.
More to come.
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