REPORT: Local Swan Couldn’t Care Less About Your Commute

A local swan who rose to fame in August for crossing the freeway has made it clear by her actions that she couldn’t give a flying honk about you, your car, or your pissant little commute to whatever loser location you’re off to. 

Sources close to the swan say the majestic state icon would continue to cross the freeway where and when she feels like it. We’re told,

“Anyone who has squared up with her knows what time it is when she starts her intimidating power waddle. Swans are famous for not giving a fark but this particular swan takes that to a new level”

A local retiree that spends his day pottering around the river recounts the time he got too close to the swan,

“I was trying to get a good photo of her cygnets but I guess I took a step too close. I didn’t even get a warning flap it was just a honking locomotive headed straight to beak town. If she’ll go a pensioner without any thought just imagine what she’ll to do your Camry if you try to hurry her across the road”

Another source who claims to know the swan quite well said she enjoys crossing the freeway, not just because it’s quicker but because “she likes fucking with people”. We’re told,

“Look, let’s just say she’s not happy we went and built a freeway through the middle of her territory. So instead of sorrowfully honking about it, she’ll see to it that she holds up a bit of traffic every now and then. Consider it her birthright”

It’s not just bird watchers and motorists that have been forced to kiss the swan ring. Further reports tell us that she also couldn’t give a fark about your picnic. Vowing to stick her neck into any unguarded basket whether you move out of her way or not. 

Getting a group of timid tourists to freak out as she rummages through their belongings is the oxygen that keeps her going. To anyone with a problem with it, she has a very clear message – “I don’t give a shit, honk farken honk”