Crowds – never have to fear the embarrassment of a poor turnout again. At any given time there are more Aussies in Bali than the Perth Stadium traino at ¾ time. Every game will look like a Colosseum if Clive Palmer was in the middle fending off a pack of better-smelling primates.
Travel times – it’s quicker for Western Australians to travel to Bali than Shitney or Brisbane and about on par with Smellburn. Provided some morning-drunk bogan doesn’t go full Jetstar on the flight and get it turned around. Always a possibility.
Morning price on tickets – Perth Stadium currently has us over a barrel. Expensive tickets and no willingness to barter. Whereas families wanting to go and support the Bali Bosses can snag a bargain if they are barter masters. Just ask for the morning price or you’ll walk.
Merchandise already sorted – clearly, the official home guernsey is going to be a Bintang singlet. Just look at the exposure the team has already! It’d be like half the country wearing an Eagles singlet. You can’t buy that kind of marketing.
It’s a small island people want to go to – a cheeky trip to Tasmania sounds fantastic if you’re 78 or some kind of biologist on the hunt for a rare moss. Bali is a superior small island thanks in part to Poppies Lane 2. They’ll be fending fans off with a stick.
Just try to stop Jordan DeGoey – as soon as the Collingwood star heard about the possibility he demanded a trade. That’s a pretty good first pick for the team given his playing ability and the fact he perfectly encapsulates the Aussie Balinese holiday enthusiast. A real good fit.
WA needs foreign workers to build anything anyway – let’s be realistic. If Perth gets a 3rd team who tf is going to build the stadium? Unless of course we want our new team playing on a tremendous concrete slab. May as well give the work to foreigners rather than luring them to WA and watching them scramble for non-existent rentals.
Will give Bali a 3 hours bogan break – imagine the relaxation the Balinese will experience knowing every single drunk Aussie bogan is currently confined to one stadium. They could just… lock the gates. Maybe go full Wuhan and weld them shut just for a night of peace.
Extra training drills – players will get the chance to really work on their strength & conditioning with extra drills. Such as fleeing from police after being busted in a nightclub or dodging the gauntlet of Rhonda’s keen for a slice. No more soft tissue injuries!
Ex stars can turn coke into nurofen with ease – while this is niche and won’t apply to everyone not called Wayne but in Bali you don’t need to convince the public your white substance was nurofen you can just make it magically go away with a little bribe. What a drawcard.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?