5 Best Perth Suburbs For Your Next Staycation 

Byford – find out why all of Perf is sleeping on this hidden gem. You’ll want to take at least a week out of your schedule because there is so much to do. A suggested itinerary would be to spend the three days out potholin’ – how you have fun with the potholes is your business.

On the fourth day, you should head out reported vehicle spotting before retiring in for a nice cup of bourbon & coke and a neighbourly dispute to keep you entertained. Finish your trip by ripping the biggest burnout you can in your host’s driveway. As is the custom in Byford. 

Hillarys – what could be more relaxing than immersing yourself in the full spectrum of British ex-pats living in WA? Wine, dine and take in the sights to the soothing sounds of how “wubbish” Australia is. 

Or perhaps you’ve wanted to fight a little eshay in red shoes that has no place to act hard now. There’s plenty of opportunity for that. Not to mention the 100% probability of getting a noise complaint from some NIMBY-fuckstick because you dared turned on a kettle at 8:30 pm in your AirBNB. Hell yeah! More on Hillarys HERE.

Casuarina – Casuarina has serious pedigree when it comes to staycations! In fact, some people never seem to leave! Even better, some of the accommodation won’t even cost you a single dollar. Thanks, tax payer. 

If you feel like getting a little fancy and staying on the other side of the barbed wire, you’ll want to find a place nice and close to Costco. Now, this isn’t simply a shopping experience, it’s a digital one too. Make sure you sync up with the Costco Casuarina group to keep track of all the dramas. If you’re feeling brave, attempt to buy as many chooks as you can. You’ll have a mob at your door in no time! Memories. 

Two Rocks – get both your rocks off during a relaxing weekend in Perth’s far north. Lose yourself in the sprawl and enjoy a cheeky piss with the other locals at the King Neptune statue.

If public urination isn’t your jam, you could always take a short walk to Geraldton. For a punch-on at a pub. When it comes to adventure you can’t go past Two Rocks. 

South Freo – now AirBNB’s can be pricey. So you can forgive someone for wanting to shave a few bucks off their staycation. That’s where South Freo comes into its own. Have you ever dreamed of what 4 nights in a sweaty, hippie van might be like?

Enjoy your day dodging creeps in the dunes, slacklining, and wondering when that dreadlockedcunt is going to pay you back that $20 he borrowed a few days ago. Oh, and don’t forget the soundtrack to your precious holiday – non-stop drum circles. What are you waiting for? More on South Freo HERE.

RELATED: 6 Hot Tips For Transitioning Into A Life In The Western Suburbs 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?