9 RULES FOR SUCCESS (according to a guy who posts photos of himself standing next to other people’s luxury cars)

Wake up at 3am but go to sleep on Perth time and wake up on Sydney time. While you lose hours in your sleep I gain them. 

Divide the day into 3 days. Your month is my week. 

Keep your circle small. Fake friends will only ever ask you to pay them back.

If your mother asks you about your goals, tell her to shut up. Move in silence so the haters can’t hear you. 

Lift weights in front of a photo of the girls who rejected you. Their loss in my gainz.

Swear off the temptation of self. How can I not be positive when I wake up in a bed full of (wet) dreams?

Consume only essential nutrients. You spend money at the grocery store. I buy shares in it. 

Forget Netflix and obey the 1:1 rule. Read one book. Write one book (an Autobiography). Every day.

Date yourself out for date night every week. Loving women will make you broke. Loving yourself will make you the goat.

RELATED: What your thickness of Vegemite spread says about you

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?