Australia pre-emptively apologises to Germany for its citizens heading over for Oktoberfest

With Oktoberfest set to begin today, Australia has taken the extraordinary measure of issuing a formal apology to Germany for the inevitable conduct of Aussie tourists heading over to “show em all how to drink”.

It’s no secret that Australia prides itself on being a nation of beer drinkers. A point they have to prove to another nation of proud beer drinkers. However, how the two nations express this pride is very different. 

Germans tend to enjoy their beer culture. Drink in relative moderation and respect the Bavarian culture. Australians on the other hand tend to think the pinnacle of beer drinking is to skol until you piss yourself in an Oktoberfest rental costume. 

The apology covered a lot of ground but in particular, it apologised for Aussie’s literally and figuratively shitting on their culture and expressed great sorrow at the effect on German ears the constant Aussie, Aussie, Aussie chants will have. 

However, Aussie tourists aren’t happy with the actions of the Australian Government and say it doesn’t speak for them. We spoke to Todd who was already 3 beers deep before 6 am Munich time. He told The Times,

“AUSSIE, AUSSIE, AUSSIE!!!! Mate these Germans are all stuck up. They just need a staunch Aussie to show em how to party. Best thing about these fuckoff steins is ya vomit right into one and it’ll hold most of ya yak ay. I don’t apologise for nuffink”

We understand Germany has not accepted Australia’s apology. Releasing this statement,

“Please, there are plenty of other places you can go to rapidly consume beer under the guise of showing an existing culture ‘how it is done’, you will find far less judgment in Prague! So go there, please”

Unfortunately, making a pig of oneself at Oktoberfest is a proud Aussie tradition. So much so, homegrown varieties have become popular on our own soil. Ipso facto, fat change, Germany.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?