A Tribute To Bayswater Bridge, The Hungriest Girl We’ll Ever Know

Baysie, you entered this world in 1969 as you rose from the ashes of your 1910 predecessor. Built with steel harder than an Esperance surfer’s nipples and concrete with the stopping power of a 30cm cuntsman spider on the toilet seat of infrastructure.

You didn’t have the lowest clearance in Perth but you sure had the most voracious appetite. Like a 3 am pisshead let loose on a succulent servo bain-marie your taste for trucks knew no bounds.

While you were commissioned to carry the weight of the Midland line above, you ended up carrying our hearts as your reputation as a merciless truck-eating Goddess grew by the day.

No one could separate the competent wheat from the Cornflakes box chaff as you could. Even after more hits than a Johnny Farnham comeback tour you never crumbled. Staunchly defiant until the bitter end.

They even tried to tame your steel-lust by putting up flashing low-clearance signs in 2014.

BREAKING: Perth Truckie Has A Real Twinkle In His Eye Today

To attempt to limit your eternal glory was pure hubris and you dropped one of those flashing signs on a car. You made it very clear that if you took a shot at the queen you best not miss.

No one will ever know the true number of scalps you took, but judging by the terrified look in a driver’s eye when their GPS takes ‘em on King William Street, the number is high.

Now your time is up. You have been condemned for your sins and await your execution this weekend. Ignore the Dare flavoured tears of joy that will roll down the cheeks of your victims for you are loved.

Thank you for your service Baysie, we have no doubt you’ll go out swinging and possibly take out one last truck as they scurry in to transport away all the pieces of your timeless legacy.

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