Metronet has confirmed that the material from the demolished Bayswater Bridge will be repurposed and used to finally build a wall separating North & South of the River.
Engineers are excited to get a chance to study and work with the hallowed material that withstood an absolute train of merciless truckcock for decades.
A leading structural engineer told The Bell Tower Times,
“We often look to nature for perfect design but now and then it presents itself in a man-made structure. We are confident that a wall made from her otherworldly materials will be completely impassable. A perfect wall”
A spokesperson for Metronet was excited about the project and told The Times,
“It’s safe to say that the wall is long overdue and thanks to everyone being bent over the oil barrel at the moment we think it’s a perfect time. We gave it a good go but NOR and SOR residents were just never meant to mingle. It goes against science”
Indeed, many couples who have to deal with the tyranny of the sprawl have decided to go on “breaks” until the price of fuel allows them to reignite the flame in their dwindling hearts. However, Metronet has a clear message – just let it go.
We spoke to a proud SOR resident who reckoned the wall would create harmony in Perth. He told The Times,
“Everyone knows those dirty pieces of shit gave us COVID. Now it’s spread to the south and frankly, we have enough contagious shit to deal with down here. If I have to see a NOR swine every day then I will never learn to forgive, it’s just kinder that we split ourselves down the Narrows”
Similarly, a proud NOR resident told us,
“I wouldn’t go to the south if you paid me. What do they even do down that way? Give their children shit names and blow up kitchens. I think we can all agree there is no good reason for the north and south to be connected anymore”
Metronet has said that they considered installing a gate to allow passage but eventually decided against it. Stating,
“If we created any sort of passage then they’d be lured to her like flies and we’d just get a bunch of vehicles stuck in it. No, it’s best to just cut our losses and embrace the side of the river you were destined to be on”
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
