Exmouth blokes have got their backs up over the total solar eclipse claims it will last 62 seconds on the 20 April. Many in the community reckon that kind of bragging about performance is not on and it is undercutting their own efforts to satisfy.
Not only will the main event last 62 seconds but the solar eclipse will treat all 25k in attendance to plenty of foreplay like an attentive, selfless satisfier of wiles. A spokesperson for the eclipse told The Times,
“The eclipse knows what you want and it wants to give it to you. Maybe its haters should work on their own pump game. It’s not the eclipses fault that the locals can’t reach a full minute and the backlash against the eclipse is frankly disgraceful”
To keep the peace, Exmouth has attempted to negotiate with the eclipse to maybe finish under that 60 second mark. However, the eclipse has clearly stated that it takes as long as it takes to get the job done.
We spoke to an Exmouth local who said he was going to have a word with the eclipse and knock its block off if it doesn’t calm down with its boasting. Adding,
“What a farken show off. I haven’t gone over 30 seconds since I was 19 and frankly I don’t see a need to. Isn’t that right luv? You love Big Kev’s wet n wild monthly thrill ride”
His misso barely heard his desperate bid for positive reinforcement. It was clear she had her mind on that eclipse and can barely wait until the 20th April. She did snap out of it to make this point,
“I need this. I need the full 62 seconds. If there is cloud cover I think I might spontaneously combust. Between you and I, Big Kev hasn’t been able to cut it for some time”
Suck it up, Exmouth blokes, you’re going to be put to shame.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
