“Bazplay” – Basil Zempilas Appoints Himself Coldplay’s Support Act

Coldplay recently put out a search to find some local WA talent to open for them during their two sold-out Perth shows.

Naturally, tons of WA bands put themselves forward for the opportunity but a certain Lord Mayor figured that if Perth was going to be on the big stage it was going to need a big stage player. It was going to need some Baz.

A source close to the Mayor said the City of Perth reached out to Coldplay and advised them that the “search was over” adding,

“We told them that this was Baz country and if they wanted to perform in Perth they were going to have to understand a few things about the Bazopoloy of entertainment”

At first, the band’s management was unsure. In leaked conversations, the manager expressed concern that Baz wasn’t a singer or a band. He was also concerned whether Baz was going to do another “2021 Grand Final” and steal Coldplay’s moment like he did Embers.

His doubts were silenced after he was assured Baz would warm the crowd up with some Olympic commentary anecdotes and some rock n rolling statistics about the growth of the central business district under his reign. It was an irresistible prospect.

In an exclusive statement to The Times, charismatic frontman Chris Martin said,

“We congratulate Bazplay for winning the talent search. We understand a few bands, except some Thornlie ruffians will be disappointed by this however ultimately we were told that we wouldn’t be allowed to leave Perth unless we bent the knee to brand Perth. Whatever the hell that means”

The band did have one important stipulation, however. Baz was under no circumstances to use his 2 hour 45 minute performance to merely spruik a business plan for the Commonwealth Games. We contacted the CoP to get assurance on this and were told,

“Yeah, it could go in that direction, if we’re honest. Once he’s on the mic you can’t stop him”

It’s refreshing to have some honesty in politics.

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