8 Best Perth suburbs to survive the zombie apocalypse

Perth is pretty isolated so odds are we’ll have learned plenty of lessons from the Eastern State’s on how NOT to prepare for the wave. Nevertheless, it pays to be prepared.

1. East Victoria Park 

Just imagine you’re tucking into a delicious meal of fresh brains and some tosser who moved into EVP last week disturbs you to let you know he’s had far more authentic brains at a new ethnic restaurant you probably haven’t heard about.  Zombies may be maniacal beasts but they want to enjoy their meal as much as anyone. EVP foodie culture will be just as unbearable for them as it is for us. More on EVP HERE.

2. Thornlie

Just a few minutes on Spencer Road should make you realise that Thornlians are no doubt used to the horrors of a zombie invasion. The residents will utilise the same measures they use to keep Gosnells folk out and deal a serious blow to the hordes of undead invading. Once you have defeated the menace you can even live it up in Crestwood Estate like a baller. Zombie free private residents pool? Hell yeah. More on Thornlie HERE.

3. Baldivis 

It is thought that zombies like to target brains. So, it’s unlikely that the grey-matter-seeking masses will figure a good meal is somewhere 46km from Perth and built on swampland. Speaking of swampland, Baldivis has natural defences – sinkholes. The weight of the zombies will no doubt cause them to be swallowed up by the Baldives like a shopping centre car park. Read more about Perf sinkholes HERE.

4. Mundaring

Do you know what they are up to out there? No? Well, no one really does but it’s clear they have said their goodbyes to the rest of society some time ago. In short, they have been preparing for this kind of event their whole lives. There will be no shortage of sharp farming tools, weapons, and large stockpiles of fertiliser to help you in the brave new world. Whether the locals will be welcoming to you is another story though. More on Mundaring’s special ways HERE.

5. City of Melville

You think the residents are going to allow hordes of ravenous undead to pile into their suburb and block their view of their precious river? Forgetaboutit. Those flesh-gnawing monsters know a quick game is a good game and can’t be bothered dealing with the red tape Melville residents will slap across their decaying arses. Welcome to the NIMBYpocalypse.

6. Ellenbrook

Again, the zombies will probably fear that if they get bitten by someone in Ellenbrook they will become an Ellenbrookite. A fate far more cursed than reanimation – forced to sulk around a vast wasteland waiting for extremely delayed infrastructure development. Ghastly. More on Ellenbrook HERE. Ellenbrook also has the advantage of being mainly accessible by Tonkin Highway. Not even zombies would voluntarily commute an hour up Tonkin Highway. Let’s just be realistic here. More on Ellenbrook HERE.

7. Subiaco 

Zombies are attracted to the hustle & bustle of a lively community brimming with life. That ain’t Subi. With no signs of life to draw the zombies near, you’ll be able to live out the rest of your days in the kind of safe boredom the residents love so much. Be warned that even if you are the last person in Perth, you’ll still end up with a parking fine. 

8. Midland 

lol, just try it, zombie dogs. You’ll be safe from the hordes but on the flip side, you may not be safe from Midland residents. Just make sure you don’t have a staring problem and you should be right. Probably. More on Midland HERE.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?