Belmont man preemptively tells boss shove his job up his arse after buying lotto ticket from “lucky” kiosk 

“What could go wrong?”, Jacko mused as he started planning his new life as a gazillionaire after picking up a ticket from a lucky kiosk. 

Pontificating with his de facto who resembled a Chicken Twistie both in appearance and scent, Jacko stated, “what are the odds of me losing for the 1352nd week in a row? Pretty bloody unlikely, luv, I reckon”.

So full of confidence, Jacko’s next call after a few enquiries at a nearby Jet Ski dealership was to his boss of 7 years. We asked Jacko how that phone call went, he told The Times,

“Just finished a huge bowl of curried sausages so as soon as old mate picked up I let one rip right into the mouthpiece ha ha ha. Then I told him to shove me job up his clacker I’m done. No way I can lose tonights $160M”

It was a bold tactic playing devil’s advocate, we asked Jacko if he was much of a maths guy. He told The Times,

“I can tell ya more of me singles get up than me multis so what does that tell you about maths ya nerd? More bets on the multi but lose more, doesn’t make sense, does it? More bets, more chances of winning and this is me 1352nd powerball ticket, got it?”

We caught up with Jacko’s boss who said he was used to the weekly phone call to resign. Adding,

“Yeah he does this every week mate, I reckon he gets on the sauce before he buys his ticket and gets all these dreams in his head. He’ll just come into work tomorrow morning like nothing happened and honestly, I just need hands on deck”

REALTED: 5 Hot Tips For Preparing To Win Tonight’s $160M Powerball Draw 

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