Ron, a WA grandfather, has sensationally claimed that the significant decrease in clumped sand battles is the leading factor in every problem that Gen Z & Y face in life. Stating that a childhood with a boondie fight is no childhood at all.
Boondies are the colloquial term for clumps of yellow sand often found in piles on construction sites and front lawns. They provide endless entertainment as they are firm enough to lob but brittle enough to explode into an eye-irritating sand cloud.
According to Ron, yellow sand toppings going out of favour combined with OH&S regulations and “safe spaces” meant there was less opportunity for boondie fights and when there was one they were deemed too dangerous. We spoke to Ron who was several Emu Bitters deep,
“You’ll never spend half a Saturday trying to get sand out of your eye playing on an iPad all day. That’s what’s wrong with the kids these days. They are soft! When I was a boy the parents would literally boot us out of the house at 7 am and told us not to come back until the street lights came on!”
He mused about the “Me Generation” always whinging about the property market. Another aspect of their personalities that have been negatively affected by the lack of boondie fights. He continued,
“Playing outside was about imagination! Maybe if these entitled turds had one they could drift away and imagine they’d get a house one day ha ha, would that make them happy? Probably not they will never stop their whinging ha ha”
To prove his point, Ron has ordered a load of yellow sand for his grandkids for X-Mas. A move that didn’t go over that well with Ron’s own son who told The Times,
“I get home and I see dad standing next to this huge pile of yellow sand. I thought, christ, he’s finally lost it. He then chucked a sand boondie at me and temporarily blinded me”
Ron went on to threaten to disown his son if he didn’t stop his “carry-on” and said he’s lived with sand in his eye for the past 45 years. He told The Times,
“I was secretly hoping there was a little rock in that boondie. I never liked that boy. Has a weak arm. Weak spirit”
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?