WA Farmer Bert has become a bit bored with plying his agricultural trade and decided to dip his toes into a hobby private equities firm in the city as a bit of a sea change.
Bert told The Times he got the inspiration for the never-ending circus of ex-corporate clowns who waltz into a bit of acreage and start calling themselves “farmers”. Adding,
“If they can do it, why can’t I? If some bloke whose greatest skill in life is insider trading can become a salt of the earth farmer, then surely a rough & tumble man of the land can become a successful Perth money man, right?”
It seems the switch from farmer to a Perth investment fancyman wasn’t as hard as he thought. Bert told The Times,
“I didn’t even need to buy new clothes, why do these arseholes dress the same as me? Head to toe in RM Williams and I even drive the same car they do. That’s to say, they drive the same car as me, LandCruiser”
In true form, Bert has been paying a bunch of experienced investment analysts to run the hobby-firm while he swoons around the Terrace taking long lunches and bragging about his boat.
Bert continued,
“I remember when some Claremont tosspot bought a little tractor for his bit of land. It instantly made him a farmer in the eyes of the farming community. So I just done the same with a Sundancer. You show these scum bags a photo of your boat and they just throw money at ya”
We spoke to a cashed up man about town who works on the Terrace. He told The Times,
“Crop rotation, diversified risk portfolios designed for aggressive growth, it’s all the same! Bert’s a natural, I know I’d trust him with my Super. Did you see his boat? I know some blokes on the Terrace that are about 30 years away from a boat, Bert is the real deal”
In fact, Bert’s success as a hobby-firmer has motivated a whole bunch of cobbers to hand over the keys to the farm to their children and make the move themselves.
Rodney is a 3rd generation cattleman and has just set up a boutique hobby-plastic surgery clinic in the Western Suburbs. He told The Times,
“I think every young country boy grows up one day dreaming of owning a little lease in the Western Suburbs. De-muttonifying the rich hags that walk through the door. It’s real fair dinkum, Aussie shit ya know?”
Whereas Sue, a successful wheat farmer, has decided to play lawyer for the latter years of her life. Her hobby law-firm has just opened in West Perth and she couldn’t be happier.
It seems you can be anything you want in this world, as long as you put hobby in front of it.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
