BREAKING: Perth Cactus to be replaced with a tumbleweed to better represent the CBD

During the week, Lord Mayor Basil Zempilas expressed his desire to move the Perth Cactus from its spot outside the traino in a proposed revamp of the area.

Stakeholders have put their two cents in and have requested some public art that better represents the area. An obvious choice would be a big tumbleweed. This suggestion has ratepayers frothing at the mouth.

We spoke to a Perth resident who said when he thought of the Perth CBD a tumbleweed instantly came to mind. Adding,

“This city is always trying to be something it’s not. Why not just lean into the fact we are a ghost town? We aren’t Melbourne we are Perth and all the action happens many, many kilometres away from our CBD”

A local sculptor has put in a tender and reckons he can make the tumbleweed installation for the low price of $5M. Which is only 5 times as much as the Cactus cost. A real win for the budget. The artist told The Times,

“I want it to be a celebration of the most deserted CBD in the country. I reckon there are small Indonesian fishing villages with more of a scene. I like to imagine international business folk come to Perth and think WTF?”

Alas, not everyone is keen on the tumbleweed. We spoke to a CBD worker who reckons we should be thinking a little bigger. He told The Times,

“What about we build a massive octagon ring? Maybe a water feature filled with human piss? That’s what I think about when I think about the Perth CBD. Really isn’t a very glamorous place”

As for the Cactus, the frontrunner to receive the art is likely to be Bunbury. They can’t explain why but they just feel it would be a good fit.

You can have it to be honest.

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