China has told its pacific allies to take a chill pill today after going through with their plans to test ballistic missiles in the region.
While the media were quick to fearmonger and report they were nuclear range missiles, China has told The Times that they are merely assisting one of their star corporations Temu.
As you are all well aware, the Aussie appetite for discount online crap is insatiable and everyone wants their shit here and now. So China has developed the ultimate in ultra-fast delivery.
We spoke to a CCP Official who said you could have your order of flimsy cheap shit within like 20 minutes, delivered right through your door and don’t worry you’ll definitely hear the missile knock. Adding,
“It’s all you people ever whinge about, delivery time, so we fixed that and now you’re saying we are creating instability in the region, the nerve”
The trial today was a success and by all reports Amazon is figuring out how to compete with this new super-fast method. With an insider telling us,
“Amazon launched same day delivery but can they do it in 20 minutes? Well, we understand Bezos is now working on a giant cannon from space that can land a parcel in someone’s lap within a minute of ordering, it is NOT a deathstar so don’t go telling people that it is”
Sounds a lot like the deathstar.
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