The Western Australian Police Department has updated its controversial map of registered weapon owners with detailed instructions on where and how to access secret weapon bunkers across the state. They say it’s an important update to their original initiative which guaranteed public safety by showing everyone where they could rob a piece from.
To ensure the public is safe, the map will be uploaded to an easy-to-download app. Where potential burglars can browse the map and get up-to-date information on the exact mechanism or lock needed to access the weapons cache.
Instructions will also include how to bypass CCTV, the presence of guard dogs, and when the owner is typically home. A crime expert told The Times,
“This is fantastic policing. One can only imagine the kinds of risk to the public if someone keen on getting a gat breaks into a house identified on the map only to have to pissfart around trying to work out where the hell the thing is! Just pull that level over there mate, descend into the bunker, grab what you can and go and relieve that petrol station of its takings”
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Crims all over Perth have rejoiced at the Police’s announcement. Which some think should raise alarms. An expert on 1% gangs told The Times,
“Typically, and I mean in a traditional sense, police and criminals don’t want the same things. So when we see the two groups agreeing on a policing initiative we have to think, is this a big oof? In my expert opinion, I’d say it is indeed a big oof”
We spoke to an incredible piece of shit and all-round menace to society who said he’d personally sent an email to the cops thanking them for not having shitfabrains for once. He told The Times,
“I always suspected old mate down the road was hoarding a huge stockpile but he’s crafty. Thanks to the dogs I’ll finally be able to get past the CCTV, into the shed and down into the bunker. Finally policing I can get behind”.
More true-ish crime HERE