Court Sentences Offender To Serve 1 Year Of Daily Tonkin Highway Commuting 

A petty criminal and serial courtroom pest has been ordered to serve 1 full year of daily Tonkin Highway commutes to give the man an appreciation of what it’s like to have your time wasted. 

The WA Court has had the displeasure of having Paul before it over 5 times this year alone. Mostly for dishonest & unlicensed contracting work on suburban homes. 

Each time, Paul has opted to represent himself and turned the court into a circus. So the Magistrate had a very special penalty for him,

“Turn my court into a circus, will he? Well, see how he likes it with all the clowns on Tonkin Highway each day. He will have a year to think about his actions as he is stuck in the painful traffic working its way through the seemingly never-ending roadworks!”

Accordingly, Paul will need to commute on Tonkin during peak hours for a minimum of 6 hours per day with a mandatory period of driving between Great Eastern and Reid Highway. He will be equipped with an electronic ankle tag to ensure compliance.

Understandably, the courtroom erupted in shock as the sentence was handed down. Paul’s parent’s howlin’ in anguish and the man of the hour himself breaking character from his usual pantomime of smartarsery. 

Paul was heard screaming at the judge to just lock him up at Hotel Hakea. A witness described the scenes, 

“Yeah he was a real shit head during his farcical not guilty plea but when the penalty was read out he was pleading that he could change and that he’ll never rip off a pensioner again. He had legitimate terror in his eyes, man”

A lawyer and civil rights advocate expressed his concern with the severity of the punishment, 

“No one is denying he’s a scum bag but we have to judge ourselves on how we treat the worst in our society. This penalty is inhumane, plain and simple. What’s next, Stirling Highway? It’s a slippery slope and one we should think carefully about”

We understand Paul has been approached by a human rights lawyer who has offered to appeal the penalty for free. Vowing to take this matter all the way to the UN should they not find satisfaction in the Australian judicial system. 

However, some Tonkin Highway regulars are livid at the penalty saying it doesn’t go far enough. Rodney has suffered on the Tonkin for over a decade and says the crim is getting off lightly, 

“6 hours? Oh, sounds like what I go through to get home after me last delivery each day. If you want to send a message, give him the full day on the Tonkin. That’ll change his attitude quick smart”.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?