Elon Musk Puts In Bid To Buy The Quokka 

As the world watches on in bemusement at Musk’s Twitter takeover bid, the tech billionaire has been making moves in sunny WA. According to sources, Musk wants a big ol slice of WA’s old trading post The Quokka – a move that has baffled analysts.

In an official statement Musk stated that he was acquiring Quokka because he believed in market freedom and that Facebook Marketplace “had to be stopped at all costs”. 

A spokesperson for Musk told The Times,

“Elon believes that in many ways, the Quokka was one of the first truly pure social media. A place that connected people with the common aim of flogging off their shit at a mutually agreeable price. It’s about market freedom”

In a late-night tweet, Elon made clear that Zuccerburg had done a terrible job of facilitating the open social media market and FB Marketplace was evidence that now all billionaires are cut out to champion the principles of civil liberties. 

Accordingly, rumours are circulating that Musk has offered as much as 0.1c per share to acquire the Quokka and restore the print copy to its former glory.

We understand that Musk had his team look at the books for Gumtree but eventually decided that it was too far gone.  

Adding, that “there isn’t enough bleach in John Wayne Gacy’s cupboard to scrub that free trade wasteland clean”

Naturally, we suspected there was more to Musk’s sudden interest in the iconic WA trading post powerhouse. So we spoke to an insider who offered this perspective,

“Look, Elon knows two things. First, Twitter is pretty much irrelevant to WA and secondly, he gets a real EV-stiffy when he looks at our emerging lithium industry. Perhaps you can join the dots?”

Speculation is now running wild that Twiggy will step in to try and outbid Tesla’s techoking. A spokesperson for Twiggy told The Times,

“Let’s make one thing clear, a billionaire splashing cash on WA is Twiggy’s house. Elon thinks he can come into Twiggy’s house uninvited he has another thing coming”

The spokesperson reached into a bag and gently rubbed a lump of iron ore. A symbolic gesture he was permitted to speak on behalf of Twiggy adding,

“Twiggy sees the Quokka as the perfect platform to facilitate open trade of iron ore between China and WA. In a fun printout that you can pick up from the servo with your smokes & cheese sausages”

Exciting developments to come. 

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