Owner of property with filthy bumper sticker covered 4WD out the front greatly overestimating how much parents want their kids knocking on his door for Halloween

A Hamilton Hill man has launched into his 3rd day of screaming threats into the internet void as Halloween vastly approaches. His case is quite clear, “none of you fucken kids better knock on me fucken door”.

To really hammer home his point the agitated man has kindly left a note on his door stating that he doesn’t support “American shit” and any lolly-seeking child should “fuk off”. He’s gone to a lot of effort to convey his point but did he need to?

Well, it should come as a comfort to the 48 year old raging bull that unbeknownst to him, he has already put up several strong deterrents to ensure the soft knock from a juvenile hand will never happen. 

Let’s look at the evidence, shall we? If the 18 dirty bumper stickers on his Ford Ranger don’t do the job there are always the 3 rusted-out wrecked cars on his front lawn that don’t exactly give off a welcoming vibe. 

The bumper stickers range from classics involving moot, a declaration of what he’d for $20, and also more graphic ones involving his vehicle’s ability to bounce boobies. There’s also a barracuda hand sign, a tribute to salad tossing and well, you get the picture.

But wait there’s more! His two pitbull mastiffs have beautifully replicated the man’s energy and go apeshit at anyone daring to walk within 10m of his collection of rusted metal. That’s not even to mention the sign he’s got up stating “trespassers will be fed” to said dogs. 

All in all, it’s a fantastic anti-trick-or-treat defence system. One that only the bravest of parents would allow their children near. Or, parents who don’t like their kids. Either way old mate should be fine. 

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Despite being in no danger of having to briefly answer his door between chicken ovenables and cans of bourbon, old mate is on high alert. He told The Times,

“I’d deadset belt a kid if they knocked on my door. Let em try it. It just ain’t right a bloke can’t relax at home without little cunnys tryna celebrate American”

To date, not a single soul has knocked on his door. Halloween or otherwise.

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