Jetstar passenger refused boarding after presenting punctually, clean and sober

A passenger has been frogmarched out of the Jetstar terminal this afternoon after having the audacity to present to his flight in a socially acceptable manner.

Not only did Sam attend promptly and with the correct carry-on baggage weight but he was also alarmingly sober. It wasn’t something Jetstar staff had dealt with before.

A witness at the scene told The Times that Sam was clearly in the wrong place. Even more shockingly, when told he couldn’t board he didn’t make any threats or ask the staff if they knew who he was. Adding,

“I think this guy knew he farked up when the staff did a scan and didn’t detect a single patch of nondescript bodily fluid on his clothing. He apologised for not meeting Jetstar’s standards and agreed to leave peacefully. That really pissed them off”

A spokesperson for Jetstar told The Times that they had no idea what game this guy was playing. Adding,

“Security first alerted us there could be a problem when he went through the scanner and didn’t try to conceal a single alcoholic beverage on his person. It got even weirder when he arrived on time for boarding. We didn’t have to call his name over the intercom 30 times”

Jetstar has assured the public that it wasn’t the standard they expect on their flights and will continue to refuse such polite animals entry to their planes.

We spoke to a plane security expert who said Jetstar had acted correctly. Not only did they safeguard the environment their passengers are used to but they protected their brand also. Adding,

“On every Jetstar flight, there needs to be at least 90% of the passengers willing & able to cause an international incident and turn the plane around. That’s the Jetstar brand, if you load too many Sams on then you won’t see that and it could be bad for the bottom line”

We understand Sam has vowed to take several Muay Thai classes and develop a drinking problem before trying to board a flight again.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?