Clive attempts to buy entire nation after feeling left out of WA billionaire’s Aussie brands arms race

Mining magnate and litigious pest has been left furious that he was left out of Twiggy & Gina’s Aussie brands arms race

Recently, the battle to own the most Australian brands has intensified with Gina snapping up Driza-Bone and Twiggy sinking his fangs into Akubra. This has left Clive asking, “what about me?”

Naturally, Clive isn’t content with just snapping up an available brand like Blundstone. He needs to have the whole pie. 

A source close to Clive said the man was aggressively pursuing an offer he made to the Federal Government to buy the entire country. Adding,

“Clive has essentially told Australia that if they hand the keys over to him he’ll stop launching lawsuit after lawsuit against Governments. By his calculations, it should save the nation trillions in legal costs and represents a good value deal”

Australia currently has a GDP of $1.5 Trillion and a total debt of just under $900 Billion. So, one would have to think Australia wouldn’t be letting the country go for anything less than $600B. 

However, Clive’s most recent lawsuit against Australia was for $300B. That’s just 1 case that he will definitely win because suing a country for that amount of money isn’t insane at all. 

By this logic, Clive is a mere 2 successful litigations away from bringing Australia to its knees. Ipso facto, selling the entire nation to Clive for the promise he won’t keep suing them makes perfect business sense. 

A spokesperson for the Australian Government said they had received his offer but would not dignify it with a response. Adding,

“We will not be selling the nation to Clive Palmer. Could you imagine life under that man? It would be crushing. Everyone forced to work together to build a fleet of Titanic replicas of something”

Thanks Australia. 

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