Tex is a decidedly uncouth member of society hailing from Kalgoorlie. This week, he’s headed into the big smoke of Perth to catch up with some old friends.
Having snuck 12 cans of bush chook on The Prospector, Tex was ready to go when pulling into East Perth Station. Still inexplicably dressed in HiVis he stormed into the nearest pub and was shocked.
Tex took a break from trying to convince the bartender to go and pick up some heavy cream before telling The Times,
“Why don’t they serve mini beers? Why isn’t there a tray of mini beers on every farken table mate, what kind of show are you lot running in Perth?”
Tex went from pub to pub to confirm his greatest nightmare – not ONE person getting on the mini beers.
He wasn’t going to take this lying down and entered a local IGA to pick up some cream so the next joint couldn’t turn him down. Alas, the next venue not only refused to use the filthy tub of cream in his disgusting paws but advised him they don’t even have Licor 43.
Tex was absolutely fuming by this point and told a general crowd of drinkers that they haven’t farken drank until they’ve done it Kal style. He continued,
“Yous lot call us uncivilised but mini beers are the benchmark culture. Delicious little farkers that look like LITTLE FARKEN BEERS mate served in little beer mug shot glasses, they are the fkn dards mate, what’s wrong with this City?”
Tex’s mates finally caught up with him and managed to convince him to head back to a Scarborough villa where he could knock up mini beers all night long and avoid a diplomatic incident between Perth and Kalgoorlie.
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Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
