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The Bell Tower Times

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Sunday, November 02, 2025
The Bell Tower Times
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  • Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Entertainment

    Piss-test fail warning given to anyone within a kilometre radius of the Metallica pit 

    Authorities have put out an alert that it is highly likely you may fail a piss-test tomorrow if you were within a kilometre of the…

    Belle November 2, 2025
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  • Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS

    Royal Family tells loyal subjects that the most horrific punishment they could think of for Andrew was making him one of you

    The Royal Family has sent a clear message to its loyal subjects that a Royal being reduced to a filthy, shiteating member of the public…

    Belle October 31, 2025
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  • Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Local

    Boomers warned as Perth kid plans to dress as a Daylight Saving referendum for Halloween

    A young family has caused a stir today after previewing their kid’s Halloween costume on social media. To the horror of traditionally older or rural…

    Belle October 31, 2025
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  • Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Entertainment

    Metallica confirm they are only coming to Perth to get their hands on a Belmont bloke who downloaded Enter Sandman on Napster in ’99

    Metallica fans are preparing for a big night this weekend. However, the band has said the concert is only a secondary objective. Their real objective…

    Belle October 30, 2025
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  • Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Sports

    James Blunt heard loudly claiming The Ashes on the Yanchep Line 

    James Blunt is in town for a concert tonight but wasted no time getting involved in the main recreational activity of his people.  Thus, the…

    Belle October 30, 2025
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From the Zoo

IN FOCUS: WA COVID-19 Police Drones

Belle April 1, 2020

Perth has always been a heavily surveilled city and you’d better believe someone has footage of you chucking that cheeky slash in-between city bars. You…

View More IN FOCUS: WA COVID-19 Police Drones
From the Zoo

IN FOCUS: Holden Barina

Belle March 29, 2020

Apparently, “Barina” is an indigenous word for summit. Which is ironic given these bad boys are nowhere near the peak of any metric of success.…

View More IN FOCUS: Holden Barina
Perth & WA Locations

Mr Victoria Park

Belle March 29, 2020 Crimeprofessional

“Come for the food and stay because some Oxy fiend stuck you with his syringe” – a phrase that should be printed on a billboard…

View More Mr Victoria Park
Reckons

What your choice of Mr Whippy cone says about you

Belle March 28, 2020

There is an unlikely champion emerging out of the sickly rubble of COVID-19 society – the humble soft serve van. It’s an agile urban commando…

View More What your choice of Mr Whippy cone says about you
From the Zoo

IN FOCUS: Chicken Parmigiana

Belle March 27, 2020 Food

Early Italian immigrants placed the seed of their al dente cuisine in us and since then we’ve raised it like it was a red-headed stepchild. …

View More IN FOCUS: Chicken Parmigiana
Travellers

Mr “I Went to Berlin”

Belle March 25, 2020

When Joel left Perth he was merely a drop in the obnoxious ocean, but visiting Berlin for a whole month had a catastrophic cunter-fly effect,…

View More Mr “I Went to Berlin”

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TRENDING NEWS

  • Piss-test fail warning given to anyone within a kilometre radius of the Metallica pit 
  • Royal Family tells loyal subjects that the most horrific punishment they could think of for Andrew was making him one of you
  • Boomers warned as Perth kid plans to dress as a Daylight Saving referendum for Halloween
  • Metallica confirm they are only coming to Perth to get their hands on a Belmont bloke who downloaded Enter Sandman on Napster in ’99
  • James Blunt heard loudly claiming The Ashes on the Yanchep Line 
  • Little shop selling expensive American snacks & stuff mysteriously pops up in Hakea after 2026 smoking ban announced

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