Perth man Troy has just come out of a 20 year relationship and has been forced to rely on his tried & tested old faithfuls to dive back into the scene.
Alas, some friends within his inner circle fear his “old faithfuls” are a little on the old side. Although, they can’t be sure. Troy told The Times,
“I really don’t know what the dating scene is like these days but I really hope half priced Gelare waffles and then vibing out to some Crazy Town at Kings Park still gets the lady-engines revving. I got tons of poon with that combo back in the day”
It’s undeniable that Troy did indeed use this combination to secure a wristy before meeting his now ex-wife. It can’t said that this method is the golden ticket but it does have some cred, evidently.
A source close to Troy told The Times that while the combination was obviously going to slay, he was worried Troy would get emotional when his favourite hook up song was played. He added,
“Sometimes we’d be over at Troy’s house and he’d be obviously super toey, then we’d hear fkn Crazy Town – Butterfly come on for 2 mintues and then Troy walking to the bathroom with a box of tissues. He never got past Butterfly”
Nevertheless, we spoke to his Bumble date who said that Troy was awkward at first but promised her dinner and a show. She told The Times,
“He said he was going to get us something sweeter than even he is and that I didn’t have to worry about paying because he was pretty sure that promotion still existed. Then he sent me a photo with frosted tips. I think he was trying to look like that douchebag, you know, from that cheesey song back in the day? What was it? Come, come my baby?”
Troy vehemently denied that he tried to look like Shifty Shellshock (yeah that’s his name) and said that he assumed frosted tips were in again. After all, it had been a while between drinks. He added,
“I’ll level with you, if I rock up to Gelare and have to cop full price, I’ll do it, I think she’s the one man. Plus I went to a fair bit of effort to rock this 1999 deluxe look. I’m all in, mate”
Good luck Troy. You are going to need it.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?