Cottesloe Beach has been served a harsh dose of reality after a viral TikToker accused the famous beach of having an inoperable case of main character energy.
We spoke to a Zoomer who told The Times that while MCE wasn’t always bad, in the case of Cottesloe it was bordering on total narcissism and it had to be taken down a peg. Adding,
“Just look at it. You can tell that it thinks it’s the star of a blockbuster movie every day. It doesn’t help that it that sooo many people enable its main character energy. So Cottesloe is cancelled, let’s normalise Port Beach”
We spoke to a millennial who had no fucken idea what any of that meant. He told The Times,
“I was trying to talk to some of the younger kids at work and they said I was being problematic after I recounted a story about how I used to swim out to the pylon as a boy. They said I had to check my privilege and maybe consider how low socio-economic beaches like Two Rocks would feel”
A spokesperson for Cottesloe Beach has spoken to The Times and says that the premier Golden Triangle Beach spot will be rigorously defending all claims against it. Adding,
“Cottesloe Beach, much like its residents, is as humble as any other beach in Perth. Are we really going to cancel a beach because its so picturesque? That it’s surrounded by iconic Perth institutions? That clearly more attractive Perth residents favour it? It’s cancel culture gone mad”
While Cottesloe Beach fights for its reputation. Port Beach has been lauded with praise. Everything from big dick energy, sigma status and even side character energy. A spokesperson for Port Beach told The Times,
“Port just goes in every day and puts on a very understated show. It doesn’t want to be in tourist photos or postcards and I think that’s why Gen Z are seeing it as a role-beach going forward”
Well done Port Beach, you earned it. As always, Scarborough Beach remains cancelled for obvious reasons.
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